So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
