You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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