there was a trapeze. enough said
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
