Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
