Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize