god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
