i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
