Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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