I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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