You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
