The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
