bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
