Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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