So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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