If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
