i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
