Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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