why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
