dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
