you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
