Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
