Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
