Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
