he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
