I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
