So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
