i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
