His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
