I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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