It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
