Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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