why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
