problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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