Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had to cum in my sink.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
