apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come share oat with me in your robe
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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