I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
