the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
