We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
