Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
