then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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