i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
false alarm, still single
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
