I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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