For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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