So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
