put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
