what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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