just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
