we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
