Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
