You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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