my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
