If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
