I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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