We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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