She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
