there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
