Where is the hickey?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
high people should be assigned attendants
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
