im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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